Kissed By a Dementor

Dear Friend, I’m sorry I didn’t write sooner, and perhaps you’re wondering why I’m writing now after all this time or why I’m writing at all. Recently on one of my coffee dates with Jiminy Cricket, I brought up the subject of how I’ve officially passed the one year mark since graduating high school. This recent achievement had me wondering whether people who were so instrumental in my high school life would be interested in knowing where I am now, what I’m doing and how I am. I'm writing today acknowledging how far I've come, and after speaking to Jiminy Cricket, I realised writing a letter is the perfect way for not only me to look back on the past year, but for those of you interested. I want to show you that without your support I would not be here today. I'm finally getting to a headspace where I can truly value your role in my life. Whether you met me in year seven or somewhere along the way, if you’re reading this it means that despite my...

Dear Tim*, Please know that I don't hate you I really don't and if you were to reappear by my side I wouldn't fight it. I keep hoping that you're going to come back. My friends think I'm better off without you, they tell me if you were to return I shouldn't let you back in because I deserve better and maybe I do, but I believe in second chances and I believe that you are a good person. But I'm angry too and you know how much I struggle with anger. I have great trouble in being angry especially because I believe it's my fault, I'm the reason you left, I'm too much and for that I'm sorry. So, how can I be angry when it's my fault, it isn't fair on you, that's how I see it anyway. Instead of continuing to try and suppress my anger, I need to let it out. I hope you read this, that you understand how much you've hurt me and how I wish you'd come back. I hope you know how shitty it is having you there one day ...

Recently the idea of hospitalisation was posed to me by my GP as a very real possibility. He started to explain that all these things we're doing, the medication, seeing a psychiatrist and working with my psychologist; they're only short term; prolonging the inevitable. I showed him what I had recently written trying to explain how I'm feeling: "My head feels like it's about to blow. It's reached full capacity. I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I'm ready for it to blow. I'm ready for the release so I can start over. But it isn't coming. Why isn't it coming I need it to come! I really do. Without it breathing is becoming harder by the second. I'm full of all these emotions that I need to let out but I can't. They're there but they're not. I'm depressed but I'm not. Because even though the feelings are there I can't actually feel them properly. They don't do what they used to do. People ...