Skip to main content

About Blog

Dear friend,

Please note that this is a space for me to try and make sense of all that goes on in my mind. It is my safe place. But it is also more than that. It's an opportunity for me to begin to share my never-ending battle with Anxiety and Depression, to share my journey with you in hope that you come to know that you are not alone. It's a safe place for you as much as it is for me.

I don't have a clear cut idea of what I'm going to post on here, but it'll be personal; involving the chaos that is my mind. The content of my posts will be me trying to express my constant battle with Anxiety and Depression, and all of the other thoughts I'm forced to deal with every day.

A Blanket Trigger Warning!: As this is my safe place, my posts will be honest, for this is where I can express all that is going through my mind. I will place trigger warnings on posts that I see fit, however, please note this blog will be about my Anxiety and Depression and therefore can be confronting. Whilst I may write about my battle and how I cope and things that work and don't work for me, I'm not an expert. I currently self-harm and yes I see suicide as a very real option for me, but I do not promote that; I do understand, however.

For now writing is the only way I know how to express what's going on in my mind, and often it may not make a lot of sense even to me but it is still very real for me.

I will never be able to describe how dealing with anxiety and depression on a daily basis feels for someone else or how it feels to you. But I can describe what it is like for me, which is what I try to do through my writing.

Love Always,

Martina

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Hospitalisation a Very Real Possibility

Recently the idea of hospitalisation was posed to me by my GP as a very real possibility. He started to explain that all these things we're doing, the medication, seeing a psychiatrist and working with my psychologist; they're only short term; prolonging the inevitable. I showed him what I had recently written trying to explain how I'm feeling: "My head feels like it's about to blow. It's reached full capacity. I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I'm ready for it to blow. I'm ready for the release so I can start over. But it isn't coming. Why isn't it coming I need it to come! I really do. Without it breathing is becoming harder by the second. I'm full of all these emotions that I need to let out but I can't. They're there but they're not. I'm depressed but I'm not. Because even though the feelings are there I can't actually feel them properly. They don't do what they used to do. People

The Happy Little Girl

O nce upon a time, there was this little girl who was happy. Well, she had this smile that stretched across her whole entire face. That smile of hers happened to brighten everyone's day of whom she came to come across with, whether it was just walking past someone in the street or talking to someone; she just seemed to have this knack that made everyone else around her smile. Well, now that smile has been wiped off her face and she is left as an eccedentesiast; someone who fakes a smile. She has reached her lowest point she wants to die but she tries to be strong and brave. Whilst she remembers all of the pain she has felt over the years, the worst is the feeling you get when happiness is ripped away from underneath you, leaving you falling down a bottomless pit. Well, she decided that she hated feeling that way, she didn't like losing control, but then again it wasn't that simple. So it was decided then, that she was going to block every sign of happiness in other wor

Dear Tim,

Dear Tim*, Please know that I don't hate you I really don't and if you were to reappear by my side I wouldn't fight it. I keep hoping that you're going to come back. My friends think I'm better off without you, they tell me if you were to return I shouldn't let you back in because I deserve better and maybe I do, but I believe in second chances and I believe that you are a good person. But I'm angry too and you know how much I struggle with anger. I have great trouble in being angry especially because I believe it's my fault, I'm the reason you left, I'm too much and for that I'm sorry. So, how can I be angry when it's my fault, it isn't fair on you, that's how I see it anyway. Instead of continuing to try and suppress my anger, I need to let it out. I hope you read this, that you understand how much you've hurt me and how I wish you'd come back. I hope you know how shitty it is having you there one day