Three years ago today, I had a panic attack that changed my life. For those of you who don't know what a panic attack feels like, for now all that you need to know is that in the moment of a panic attack, when you can't breathe, you feel as though the world around you is going to fall apart and for me I hold my breath in hopes of speeding up the process. The ironic thing about panic attacks despite how much control you wish to have, you have no control and you have no control over your actions. This letter is for you Ms Clearwater, it is all the things I wish I could have said to you three years ago. Dear Ms Clearwater*, I know that you said you’ve moved on long ago, which I respect. However, I’m still caught in the past and up until recently I haven’t had the capacity to deal with what happened between us; three years ago. It’s three years today since my panic attack that lead to me losing you. But then again, I never really had you, did I? Maybe you wanted