Kissed By a Dementor

Recently the idea of hospitalisation was posed to me by my GP as a very real possibility. He started to explain that all these things we're doing, the medication, seeing a psychiatrist and working with my psychologist; they're only short term; prolonging the inevitable. I showed him what I had recently written trying to explain how I'm feeling: "My head feels like it's about to blow. It's reached full capacity. I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I'm ready for it to blow. I'm ready for the release so I can start over. But it isn't coming. Why isn't it coming I need it to come! I really do. Without it breathing is becoming harder by the second. I'm full of all these emotions that I need to let out but I can't. They're there but they're not. I'm depressed but I'm not. Because even though the feelings are there I can't actually feel them properly. They don't do what they used to do. People

It was inevitable: life was everywhere I turned. My earliest memory is of this dream I had, where I went outside and threw snow on my face because I didn’t and couldn’t believe that I was real, that what I was surrounded by was real. I was about five when I had this dream and ever since then I have always questioned things. Like all things with time and practice I've become better at overthinking. I have perfected the art of overthinking; it is now an involuntary response for me.  Second guessing things I guess is where it started.  Little kids in general are perceived by adults to be innocent, curious, inquisitive and naive. Innocent in they haven't really experienced the real world (the real world something I wish to further discuss in another post). Their inexperience of the real world contributes to them been naive but also the fact they are just children and are still learning. Whilst they have inexperience of the real world, they have experience o