Skip to main content

Second Guessing

It was inevitable: life was everywhere I turned.

My earliest memory is of this dream I had, where I went outside and threw snow on my face because I didn’t and couldn’t believe that I was real, that what I was surrounded by was real. I was about five when I had this dream and ever since then I have always questioned things. Like all things with time and practice I've become better at overthinking. I have perfected the art of overthinking; it is now an involuntary response for me. 

Second guessing things I guess is where it started. 

Little kids in general are perceived by adults to be innocent, curious, inquisitive and naive. Innocent in they haven't really experienced the real world (the real world something I wish to further discuss in another post). Their inexperience of the real world contributes to them been naive but also the fact they are just children and are still learning. Whilst they have inexperience of the real world, they have experience of observing others in the real world first and foremost their parents which I suppose leads to their curiosity which is explored when they ask questions. The questions kids ask concerning various aspects of their life and what they observe of others are generally broad relating to what, how and why. Whilst they may remain persistent in their questioning based on the answer you give them it is typically the repetitive 'why' which essentially is a fun game to them. My point is that whilst children may be inquisitive, they generally don't second guess things. 


I guess I'm the exception; because ever since that dream I had when I was five, I have always second guessed things. And with time and practice my second guessing became overthinking. Overthinking like I said is involuntary for me, I overthink every little thing, many of which I shouldn't; maybe that is what lead to my downfall. 
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hospitalisation a Very Real Possibility

Recently the idea of hospitalisation was posed to me by my GP as a very real possibility. He started to explain that all these things we're doing, the medication, seeing a psychiatrist and working with my psychologist; they're only short term; prolonging the inevitable. I showed him what I had recently written trying to explain how I'm feeling: "My head feels like it's about to blow. It's reached full capacity. I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I'm ready for it to blow. I'm ready for the release so I can start over. But it isn't coming. Why isn't it coming I need it to come! I really do. Without it breathing is becoming harder by the second. I'm full of all these emotions that I need to let out but I can't. They're there but they're not. I'm depressed but I'm not. Because even though the feelings are there I can't actually feel them properly. They don't do what they used to do. People ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Dear Friend,

Dear Friend, I’m sorry I didn’t write sooner, and perhaps you’re wondering why I’m writing now after all this time or why I’m writing at all. Recently on one of my coffee dates with Jiminy Cricket, I brought up the subject of how I’ve officially passed the one year mark since graduating high school. This recent achievement had me wondering whether people who were so instrumental in my high school life would be interested in knowing where I am now, what I’m doing and how I am. I'm writing today acknowledging how far I've come, and after speaking to Jiminy Cricket, I realised writing a letter is the perfect way for not only me to look back on the past year, but for those of you interested. I want to show you that without your support I would not be here today. I'm finally getting to a headspace where I can truly value your role in my life. Whether you met me in year seven or somewhere along the way, if you’re reading this it means that despite my...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Sociological Autobiography of Me

I’d like to share an essay that I wrote at the start of the year for Youth Studies, which focuses on how the stigma surrounding mental illness has influenced and continues to influence my personal experience with mental illness.   The stigma surrounding mental illness is one of the major social constructs impacting on the societal understanding of mental illness and affects the way in which individuals with mental illness are perceived and treated (Conrad & Barker). Goffman (1963) classes stigma as “a ‘mark’ that signals to others that an individual possesses an attribute reducing him or her from ‘whole and usual’ to ‘tainted and discounted’” (Pescosolido, 2013). The stigma associated with mental illness in current society, whilst illustrates the social fault lines of a society that produces such prejudice and discrimination, it also is negatively impacting those with mental illnesses. With the prevalence of mental illness in society today, especially promi...
Post a Comment
Read more